The Tourist Prayer
The Tourist Prayer
Oh heavenly father look down on us your humble obedient servants doomed to travel this earth taking photograph, mailing postcards and walking around in drip dry underwear.
We beseech thee oh Jesus to see that our plane is not hijacked or luggage not lost and our overweight baggage goes unnoticed.
Protect us from unscrupulous taxi drivers, porters, and unlicensed tour guides.
Give us this day, divine guidance in the selections of our hotels, which we may find our reservation honoured, our rooms made up and hot water in the taps.
We pray that the telephone works and the operators somewhere speak English and that there is no mail waiting for us from loved ones needing money.
Lead us oh God to good inexpensive restaurants where the food is good, the waiters are friendly and the wine is included in the price.
Give us wisdom to tip correctly in currencies we don’t understand and forgive us for undertipping out of ignorance and overtipping out of fear.
Make the native love us for what we are and not for what worldly goods we can bring them.
Give us strength to visit museums, cathedrals, temples and palaces listed as a must in the guided book. And if perchance we take a nap after lunch or skip an historic monument, have mercy on us for our flesh is week.
Please God, keep our wives from spending sprees and protect them from Bargains they do not need nor can afford. Lead them not in the temptation for they know not what they do.
Almighty father keep our husband from looking at foreign women and comparing them to us. Save them from making a fool of themselves in cafes and nightclubs. Above all do not forgive them their trespasses for they know exactly what they do.
And when our travels are over and we return to our loved ones, grant us the favour that someone will look at our videos and listen to our stories and so that our lives as tourists will not have been in vain.
We beseech thee oh Jesus to see that our plane is not hijacked or luggage not lost and our overweight baggage goes unnoticed.
Protect us from unscrupulous taxi drivers, porters, and unlicensed tour guides.
Give us this day, divine guidance in the selections of our hotels, which we may find our reservation honoured, our rooms made up and hot water in the taps.
We pray that the telephone works and the operators somewhere speak English and that there is no mail waiting for us from loved ones needing money.
Lead us oh God to good inexpensive restaurants where the food is good, the waiters are friendly and the wine is included in the price.
Give us wisdom to tip correctly in currencies we don’t understand and forgive us for undertipping out of ignorance and overtipping out of fear.
Make the native love us for what we are and not for what worldly goods we can bring them.
Give us strength to visit museums, cathedrals, temples and palaces listed as a must in the guided book. And if perchance we take a nap after lunch or skip an historic monument, have mercy on us for our flesh is week.
Please God, keep our wives from spending sprees and protect them from Bargains they do not need nor can afford. Lead them not in the temptation for they know not what they do.
Almighty father keep our husband from looking at foreign women and comparing them to us. Save them from making a fool of themselves in cafes and nightclubs. Above all do not forgive them their trespasses for they know exactly what they do.
And when our travels are over and we return to our loved ones, grant us the favour that someone will look at our videos and listen to our stories and so that our lives as tourists will not have been in vain.
Amen
European Heaven and Hell
Heaven is where the cooks are French, the mechanics German, the police are British, the lovers are Italian and it’s all organized by the Swiss.
Hell is where the Mechanics are French, the police German, the British are the cooks, the Swiss are the lovers and it’s all organized by the Italians.
Hell is where the Mechanics are French, the police German, the British are the cooks, the Swiss are the lovers and it’s all organized by the Italians.
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